i hope you still have hope (2020 shitshow)

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Hi to all my Persisters out there – I’ve been thinking about everyone lately, knowing there are many of you still stuck inside with someone toxic.  Or perhaps you’ve lost your job and are feeling the intense burden and anxiety that this creates.  Maybe you’ve lost a loved one during these confusing times.  My hope is that you remain hopeful and lean into your soul and spirit for guidance. When … Read More

how long will you be a victim?

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When we feel betrayed, hurt, or upset – some of us (#shootshandinair) will cave inward into the feeling of ‘not enough’.  Whether you’ve been slighted by a partner, friend, or something has happened at work – there is a feeling of anger, sadness, betrayal or frustration that then starts moving into a feeling of victim mentality. Why did this happen to me? Why does this always happen? God I am … Read More

how to communicate with a narcissist

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If anything will give you heartburn and overall anxiety, it might be when you have to respond or communicate with your ex. Here’s how to communicate with a narcissist. You probably already know this – but it’s best to only respond or communicate when necessary. Take your pride, your need to be understood, your anger – and put it on the shelf for now. Toxic people feed off of attention…positive … Read More

questions to ask a divorce lawyer

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If you are getting ready to separate/divorce, interviewing at least two attorneys is an excellent idea.  Some attorneys are more aggressive than others – some want to stay out of the courtroom.  Let your conscience be your guide, but be ready to ask some good questions to be able to find your best match.  These questions to ask a divorce lawyer will help you choose who will advocate for you. … Read More

preparing to divorce an abusive partner

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First of all, I’m sorry that your relationship is ending.  Unless it was abusive and soul sucking.  In that case, I’m proud of you for taking a huge step in taking care of yourself.  It’s not an easy decision to come to. There are so many reasons it happens – some I can commiserate with, and some I really can’t.  The following will help you in preparing to divorce an abusive … Read More

go on with your brave self

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There are so many things that are different about me, now 6 years post-divorce.  It’s actually pretty incredible when I look back on the person I was, seeing how insecure I was, and how cloudy my judgment and mind were. My husband and I just saw the movie ‘The Post’ last night.  If you haven’t seen it or don’t know what it’s about – it follows The Washington Post during … Read More

parallel parenting – 6 steps to help

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I remember when I was finally on my own after being separated, and how much weight I put on being ‘the perfect mom’, especially at that immediate time.  It’s pretty obvious why we hold so much weight on being perfect – we have so much guilt about having to go through a divorce at all, what we think the kids are going through (all bad, right?), and anxiety about how … Read More

freedom and chaos – single after a toxic relationship

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So you have made the difficult transition and had the courage to leave your toxic relationship. If this is the case, I’m really proud of you.  When I was finally “free” from under the same roof as my ex, I think the idea of that freedom was very different than the reality.  It was all totally worth it, and I never questioned my decision – but I was in for … Read More

8 signs you are in a relationship with a narcissist (and what to do about it)

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When I read about narcissistic personality disorder, it was mind blowing.  Honestly?  I just thought my ex was unable to argue effectively.  I thought I could fix it. I read all about effective arguing, all about how we should say things like “when you say this, it makes me feel _____”.  I even tried writing letters when I was too nervous to have another conversation that I knew would somehow … Read More

move on after abuse…because you’re worth it

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I’m sure you’ve had more than few bad days in the chaos of your marriage or relationship ending.  Too sharp a tongue with the kids, taking something to a level 10 when normally it would be a 2, forgetting things when you are normally like an elephant.  For me, it solidly felt like I was a different person and that this forgetful, head-exploding, lost and confused me was the ‘real … Read More

mom guilt is the worst

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Me:  “So ladies, you’re going to have to get a couple of teeth pulled, remember when the orthodontist told you that?” Girls:  “Yeah.  Is it gonna hurt?  Do they give us that laughy gas stuff?” Me:  “I’m not sure what they use, but when I was young, I had to get 4 TEETH PULLED at the same time!  And I don’t remember a thing.  It won’t be a big deal.” … Read More

momming on your own

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I was a pseudo-single mom for about 5 years after separating from my ex-husband. That’s what I call it at least – a pseudo single parenthood, where my custody schedule was split 50/50 and my girls had two loving parents, just at different times. Those years were both happy and terrifying.  I found myself to be a bit of a ‘yeller’ with my kids, which I didn’t seem to be … Read More

attract all the things!

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Stop attracting what you don’t want – practice being positive, especially when you’re going through a rough patch Have you ever tried to avoid someone that you know, and then end up seeing them at the store or somewhere else totally random?  And like…it got weirdly awkward because it was more than once?  I know this might be hard to hear, but you may have played a part in making … Read More

8 things i wish i knew before separating

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So you either had an ‘aha!’ moment regarding leaving your marriage, or it wasn’t up to you.  Maybe you both knew this was not going to get better.  Whatever your situation, I’m sharing what I wish I knew before separating a long time ago.  FWIW, I left my marriage and it was not an option when that became clear to me. I wish I saw a lawyer before I made … Read More

am i screwing up my kids?

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Drop the guilt. I decided to create this blog to be a resource or a shoulder for a woman that feels lost, alone, defeated, or unsupported.  I started this because when I was becoming divorced with 2 small children, the only things I could find on ‘divorce support’ or ‘separation guidance’ were checklists on ‘how to know if your marriage is over’ and an endless supply of divorce lawyer ads.  … Read More

i know you

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Hey – don’t I know you?   You’re the woman down the street from me…the one that I look up at briefly at and give a quick wave to as I keep walking my dog.  Or you’re the colleague at work that I chat with sometimes in the breakroom – the woman who is both on-trend who has gorgeous family pictures that decorate Facebook and your laptop screen.  You are probably … Read More